"Comparison is the thief of Joy"
I have two nephews, ages 3 and 5. There aren’t many things I can do with or for the 3-year-old without making the 5-year-old jealous. Not so much lately, as they are getting older (and I started this writing this blog over a year ago), but even something as simple as picking the three year old up can make the older one envious. And Ayden (the oldest) knows good and well he has outgrown being carried in most capacities.
Ayden simply doesn't want to feel left out. Or cannot fathom his brother (or peer) experiencing something that he is not. But it goes both ways. If I tell Ayden he is being a “good boy,” his younger brother Isaiah is expecting the same compliment. Ayden isn’t able to process yet that he was also carried around the house when he was younger, and that his problem is not necessarily equity - but equality. I find it so interesting that equality is so important to humans so young.
At three and five years old, their brains are clearly still developing. To me, this suggests the desire to have an “equal” human experience as our peers is natural.
Are humans born with an envious gene? I think so.
One of the earliest stories in the Bible, Cain and Abel, highlights how jealousy can consume a person.
But, there are real life implications in comparing our lives to people as we get older. Everyone gets 1 day older everyday. And as we grow our lives evolve, and how how they compare to our friends, families, and co-workers lives will certainly change. If we are not careful constant comparison can steal our joy and also influence poor financial decision making. Your financial and life journey is personal and unique. Understand that it is human nature to compare yourself to others, but also understand it is irrelevant to your ability to make decisions that are best for your personal situation.
If you are struggling with this, here are a few tips to reclaim your peace:
1. Disconnect to Reconnect
Commit to at least one week away from all social media—Instagram, X, YouTube, TikTok, and LinkedIn. If you find it impossible to fill your day without these platforms, that is exactly the problem.
Use that void to do something productive. Challenge yourself with activities that benefit your future self: exercise, read, study, create art, or fine-tune your resume. Spend time creating memories with family. I often encourage a cleanse longer than a week.
I don’t suggest avoiding social media forever—humans are designed for connection, and these tools are great for networking and inspiration—but you must set strict boundaries.
2. Set Digital Guardrails
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Curate your feed: Mute, unfollow, or block anyone who triggers your insecurities. "Out of sight, out of mind" is a real psychological phenomenon. Over time, you’ll realize your life is perfectly fine without knowing what everyone else is doing.
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Restrict access: Set specific days for certain apps. For example, I do not keep the X app on my phone during the work week (Monday through Friday).
3. Pray for Perspective
Nothing is new under the sun. Find comfort in the fact that you aren't the first—or last—person to feel this way. Peace comes from God. Every person is uniquely made with their own "spiritual thumbprint." While there are always outliers, I truly believe there is no life better than the one you were given; every stage of life simply comes with a different set of challenges. Ask for an understanding heart and a wise mind.
4. Find Purpose in Service
The true meaning of life is to serve God by using our unique talents to help others—at home, in the office, and in the world. When you commit to a lifestyle of service, other people’s lives become irrelevant to your specific mission. You will be so busy serving your purpose that you simply won't have the capacity to fall into the trap of comparison.
5. Audit Your Financial Decisions For Comparison
Go back through your last three major financial decisions. Were any of them influenced by what someone else was doing? A purchase, an investment, a lifestyle upgrade? If the honest answer is yes — that’s where comparison cost you the most. Your financial plan should be built on your income, your goals, and your timeline. Nobody else’s.
Conclusion Comparison truly is the thief of joy. You control your next move. If you aren't happy where you are, be intentional about making a change every single day.
Peace. — Malc Peso